Things I'll never say.

"Baby, I love you"
"I slept early last night"
"I already knew that"
"I wasn't falling asleep"
"I think she's hot"
"I think she's smoking"
"I'd tap that"
"No thanks, I'm not hungry"
"I haven't had coffee today"
"I've never abused printing privileges"

You broke it, you bought it, this bailout is bullsh*t!

I'm not going to start this post with a feeble "oh, I don't know the politics but I believe in the ideals". Even though it may be true.

I'm small and insignificant. To be honest, I still don't know the ramifications of a $700 billion bailout for "the fat-cats in Wall Street". I'm not even a citizen of this fine nation (not sarcasm) so I fail to see why every little headline should have anything to do with me. Except that they will, and they do. I don't know the details, I admit it. But I know a lot of people are angry. And if I had time to read into this, I'm sure I would be too.

Let's consider this for a minute:

$700 billion could buy a decent computer for everyone in the America...and then some.
It could buy everyone in the world ten years worth of "food" at 3 meals a day.
It could even buy...I don't even know how many...items from this evil cow.
And hey...it can even pay this off.

To my simplistic understanding, aforementioned fat-cats mess something up that I had completely nothing to do with and the magical government, hell-bent on making my college fees increasingly unsupported, is going to fix all of it by randomly generating a HUGE number out of nowhere just so the retards with gray hair, bluetooth headsets and starbucks cups surgically attached to their left hands can continue their very important lifestyles.

I'm aware of the importance of major businesses in my daily life. I'm aware that these major businesses going backrupt is probably not a very good thing. I'm aware that the government has a responsibility to maintain economic stability in a country. I'm also aware, however, that if you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. If you give that man a net...or something fishing-y...he'll eat for a lifetime. Having thoroughly destroyed that proverb, my point still stands.

As a taxpayer (or at least a child of a tax payer), I deserve a say in what my money is spent on and frankly, I'd rather have 18 million of these.

RIPTA, I loathe thee!

So RIPTA, Rhode Island’s ONLY means of public transportation, screwed me over once again. Twice.

I attended the PC Democrats meeting last night (just to see what it was like) and it wasn't too bad...kinda short but Pizza was abundant. A guy had a quick talk on the importance of New Hampshire in this election. He was damn convincing about it too. I would canvas but I don't think NH undecideds would fancy getting a visit from an Asian guy, with the biggest man-crush on a certain political candidate, being wildly obvious as to who he's supporting. I think that's illegal too. Also though, and I've mentioned it before, I can't actually vote so I don't see why I have so much interest politics. I'm a sucker for revolutions I guess.

So after that I chillaxed in a friend's dorm and busted my wrist trying to play Rock Band on Easy. "So it's just like dancepad for the hands right?" I asked naively to which Patrick replied, "Yeah...something like that". Needless to say, it was nothing like that and now I think have a mild case of arthritis and the sudden need to buy an XBox 360 or PS3. Self-control, don’t fail me now.

After that, I went to my first-shift-ever at my brand-spanking new job as a computer lab monitor. I walked around, pushed in chairs, picked up paper and when I got bored I wrote an essay. If only all forms of employment was this strenuous and satisfying. Even after gratuitous chopping of vegetables, endless wrapping cycles, anal-arranging of rounded fruits, demeaning scrubbing of floors and benches and earning a hefty HALF of what I’m earning now, I have no idea why I never went back to Woolworths. Oh that’s right…because everyone that’s ever worked for Woolworth’s, as well as all of its affiliated companies ending with an “-own” prefix, is a total bitch.

So after my two hour shift, I got to my bus stop at 12:05AM to wait for the 12:15AM. Half an hour later, the bus never came and I was getting kinda sick of drunk retards spattering about disobeying pedestrian rules. I was mildly amused at the conveniently placed hotdog truck that was probably ripping off drunkards with the munchies (do drunkards get the munchies? I have no idea). Anyway, I had to call Papa Jess which heavily guilt-rid me because he looked wicked tired.

Fastforward to this morning. I woke up at 8:30AM to the sound of women and children drowning outside my window (I think) and aptly sprung out of bed as this apparently leads to a more productive day. Cereal. Shower. Metrosexual Rituals. Etc. I got to the bus stop at 8:55AM wishing a little that I owned an umbrella and/or a raincoat but not worrying too much because the bus schedule said that the bus would arrive at 9:05AM. Oh but it didn’t. And I got drenched. And I got on the bus, which was 20 minutes late, stomping and giving evil eyes to the indifferent and probably alcoholic bus driver but the MOFO don’t give a FO.

An hour of wasted aggression, awkward hellos and spilling iced-coffee on my bright shirt later, I find that I got an A+ in my Child Psych paper and suddenly it no longer mattered that I had enough water in my clothing (and probably books) to bring the entire continent of Africa out of poverty and into the mediocre, wasteful, whine-filled, unfulfilling but privileged lives we lead today.

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It’s like missing your flight to Disneyland, finding out your passport’s been stolen, being falsely arrested by airport security, being falsely abused by airport security because you have an Obama shirt on and it’s one letter away from that other guy who did nasty things, being released with a short apology by the ugly bald man with a complimentary airport donut, getting malaria from the donut, realizing you’re in the wrong airport, being hit by a moped as you exit the aiport and then bending over to find a penny. Yay! A penny!

Yep, it was something like that.

3 Feet

It annoys the heck out of me that even though I managed to get 8 hours of sleep last night, I'm still so frickin tired.

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It also annoys me that everyone around me is sick. I haven't been seriously sick for quite awhile (I think it's the amount of water I drink but I'm pretty sure that's only part of it). I can't do anything about either...it's like, if a sick person (politically correct: person who is sick) comes anywhere near me, it's not like I can just get up and leave...or turn my desk away...or cover my mouth constantly so I don't breathe in as much viral-air. I can't do that at all and it's pissing me the heck off.

GO TO YOUR DORMS AND SLEEP PEOPLE, IT'S THE RESPONSIBLE THING TO DO.

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I like that I have so much to do, I really do. It's as if I no longer have an excuse to be wasting time (although somehow I still manage). The weirdest thing about it all though is, I don't even have to look at my planner. I make the effort to put everything down but when I'm actually carrying these plans out, I don't feel the need to refer to the planner, I just do. It's the most amazing feeling being on top of things and effortlessly (in a minimal sense) doing so.

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Life Lesson Learned from Child Pscyh Class: Inhibitory Control and Delay of Gratification can be learned practiced and improved on. Basically, you can train yourself to easier resist wasting 3 hours mindlessly surfing the internet. You can train yourself to easier resist watching TV for the whole day. The professor suggested to try brushing your teeth with the opposite hand for a week and then moving on to much larger things that take more self-control to deny yourself of. I actually tried brushing my teeth with the opposite hand this morning...I banged my gum because my left hand is clumsy so I'm pretty sure that's going to turn into a mouth ulcer. SCREW PSYCHOLOGY!

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List of clubs I signed up for:
Anime Club - We just watch Anime. That's it.
Asian American Association - First meeting, they served bubble tea and then played a terrible rendition of that "Move your ass" icebreaker. Sounds like it'll be a full semester though.
PC Democrats - I technically haven't even been to a meeting yet. I can't even vote so I don't know what use I'll be.
Women Will - I joined this on a whim. I'm not sure if I canmake it to meetings but I totally believe in the causes. And they gave me a wristband so yay.
College Students Against Cancer - Kinda odd because I don't know anyone who would be PRO cancer. But it's a good cause, I'm just not sure if I can attend this either.
Environmental Club - Again, a good cause but I'm not sure if I can attend.
Students Organized Against Racism - Again another DUH cause but this is America after all. I was a little fazed because the stand they had at the college's involvement fair, when I went at least, was kinda lonely and the girl running it (a very polite and informative individual) was just filling in. I joined anyway for fun. Hah.

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I got a job. As a computer lab monitor. Basically I replace paper in printers. I think. I'm not sure, I wasn't told much. The guy just told me to turn up with some work to do and nothing much would happen. Awesome.

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I actually think I wrote better when I had nothing to do and I was kinda lonesome. Hah.

I'm kinda tired...

So I guess I won't say much this time. But next time, I promise, it'll be SUPER good.

Seriously. I'll leave you with this...

Onward!

I'm finding myself gradually improving.

There was a certain point in time when I disliked what I had become. I think it's safe to say that that time has passed (for now at least - as is often the case, I'm bound to fluctuate between ecstatic and ill-contented...I think it's called life).

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Observation of Life Number One:
It's clearly not about the result. It's the anticipation. More often than not, the result will disappoint you. The anticipation however, whether you'd like to admit it, will always be good.

Observation of Life Number Two:
When making timetables, always double your time-frames for each segment/activity, if possible. Results will satisfy (guaranteed!).

Observation of Life Number Three:
It's difficult to bite your tongue; bite your brain instead.

Observation of Life Number Four:
You're frightening, believe me.

Observation of Life Number Five:
Things will remain obvious until you yourself interpret it differently.

Observation of Life Number Six:
God Exists. He really does. I mean he really, really does. Trust me.

Observation of Life Number Seven:
When you're running out of ideas, it's best to just stop.

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end

7 Minutes of freewriting: The Hammer

I love the world.

I don't say that often enough.

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I spend a lot of time complaining about the state of my life and how everything seems to turn into crap at the most inconvenient time. I spend a lot of time complaining about how things never go my way and, to some extent, it hardly ever does. But it's days like these...when I'm feeling like there's nothing (major) going against me...and everyone's just so...freakin...nice...that I live for. I live for days when I realize who I can really count on. I live for days when I realize that, the people who I can't really count on, aren't so unreliable as I thought.

I live for clarity. When I realize that a certain way I've been thinking is skewed, I wanna possibly burst into tears. I live for moments when I accept things as they are and that most of my choices, as irreversible as they may be, were not necessarily the wrong choices. I live for moments when I realize that there is no such thing as a wrong path, as the traditionally wrong paths are merely speed-bump lessons towards the same destination. I live for moments when I realize that I'm alive...and that nothing else matters right now.

I live for Sundays of Soy-Iced Coffee and 1 hour's homework to do in the space of 3 hours.

And flowers, and rainbows, and all that jazz.

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Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels SO GOOD when it stops.

Jayo's scheme of involvement. Part I

So I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks it weird that I'm in my sophomore year at PC, live...5 minutes drive from my school and manage to avoid actually knowing anyone there. It's a very long story but just know how harder it is for me to meet people compared to everyone else in the college seeing as I'm one of the only commuters in the school (and therefore I don't sleep and eat with them).

I basically spent the whole of my first year trying to find new ways to get rid of procrastination and pretty much had no time to get a social life. Coupled with the fact that, as a commuter, I miss out on word-of-mouth and other such commodities and I pretty much didn't know (and probably still don't know) the first thing about PC.

Since everything with the procrastination's manageable now, though, I really feel it's time for me to see what real college is like. I often sell myself short but I always feel, by the end of things, that I've missed out.

I've recently begun a new regime...of taking a stab at things. One of them go-getter fellas that always annoyed me in high school. Don't get me wrong, I'll always be socially inept (I don't think I can ever change that). But the way I see it, I'm bound to come in contact with someone while I'm trying new things and at the very least, I won't be the only one in the entire college that knows my name.

I'm bad with other people's names though. We can do that around-the-group names thing and by the end I won't even remember one.

So say goodbye to the old Jayo, I won't miss him and neither should you. Say hello to the slightly upgraded...not exactly a whole upgrade-point addition but still equivalent to upgrading from 1.0 to 1.4ish...Jayo. Wow that was nerdy...I've gotta stop crap like that if I don't want to scare people away.

Fingers crossed.