Jayoisms Part One

Firstly, the new installment of Jayofiction will be up by the end of the week. You're all useless by the way seeing as each person voted a letter each. I'll let it brew for awhile to see if any strays would be obliged.

Today's Jayoism: "I feel like I...."

I always say it. That's that.

Jayofiction: An interactive story. Part One

I feel like if I continued to write about my day, I would end up being extremely repetitive. I'm sitting in my school's newly refurbished library (and I'd have to say that it's looking pretty nifty) and, since I still can't be bothered reading, I think I'll write. Well, kind of. I want to try something new (and by new, I mean, an old idea that I'm stealing and reviving). Please, I beg of you, participate. I hope this goes well.

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My evening begins in the most likely and ordinary spot possible: at my desk, by the window, overlooking the city. I stare at the streetlights and it stares back obligingly. The city is calm. There are no cars. Everyone who has a home is putting it to use, thus presenting the opportunity for the homeless to collect materials to build their dream homes.

My thoughts meander deeply through twisted thoughts; of deaths and gang violence, of what other people happen to be watching at this time of night and, as usual, of what exactly air particles are doing at the time that could cause my window to freeze…and then melt…and then cry...and then swallow my body. My thoughts continue to twist reality, growing increasingly absurd while my head tilts slowly downward and my eyelids grow heavy.

It is only when my head falls suddenly, onto the hardwood table, to an enormous, floppy thud, that I decide to drag myself to bed.

The room is hazy, almost misty, and I feel the cold scratching at my exposed arms and legs as I move about it. The walk to my bed seems endless and, my feet feel irrational moisture on the supposedly dry carpet.

My bed, however, is unfriendly and disarranged. Several books seek to deny me comfort. The blankets, cold and rough, are unreasonably placed and surprisingly heavy. The pillows seemed to have frozen themselves solid at the news of my coming. My bed is clearly punishing my less frequent visits.

Refusing to give in to the terrorist demands of my own bed, I casually push everything aside and settle for a thinly constructed, ill-fitting blanket that I feel is one wash cycle short of disintegrating. I numb myself to the discomfort of the bed. Comfort becomes irrelevant as I decide to let my body do what it desperately needs to do. My eyelids lock into place and fatigue prevents any bodily movements aside from the steady, tide-like motions of my breathing.

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Now comes the fun part!!!


What happens next?

a) My phone rings and the person on the other side is a long lost someone concerning something of extreme importance. For those interested, the phone concerned is a Nokia 5300 and the volume was set to 3. The ring-tone was Rick Astley's rendition of Silent Night (techno remix).

b) Magic happens in the place where the magic happens. Naturally. We’re all adults here. Trust me though; this is clearly NOT what you think it is.

c) A natural disaster leading to an exciting turn of unbelievable events that is sure to get your heart racing faster than that time you asked that girl/guy out to the prom only to find that you, a student, were not allowed to date senior faculty. Boohoo.

d) Death –with a philosophical twist.

e) I fall asleep and wake up in the morning to the smell of blueberry pancakes and low-sodium turkey bacon.

f) Mystery Dream Sequence. WOoOoOooOO.


This whole thing WILL NOT WORK unless people vote for desired continuation of the story (in the comment section of this post). If this fails, I WILL STOP BLOGGING FOREVER. Not really. But I will lose self-esteem and it will take ages until I’m able to buy new ones. Feel free to vote anonymously so that I you don't feel like it'd be awkward or anything.

The news of my death has been greatly exaggerated.

Edit: My outfitting skills are still work in progress. Agree to disagree?

Original Post:

Oh what a difference a couple of weeks makes.

I have a slight feeling that I'm changing. It's not as if I feel like I'm becoming a different person. If anything, I feel like everything I've always felt the need to keep inside is slowly creeping out. So far, it's not been scary. So far, my innocence has not got the best of me. I feel like I'm willing to do things that I'd never have done before. I feel like there's a whole other side of me that I'm letting out of it's sad, sad cave.

I like, it's nice.

I've been watching a couple of theater classes since I last wrote. I pretty much think that theater at PC, along with the people, are amazing. If given the chance to go back in time and choose another major to double with, I'd choose theater. Other than being thoroughly entertaining, I feel like I'm also absorbing a million different ideas at the same time. I guess talent inspires. I want to write now, more than ever. I want to work at my instruments again, rather than just let them collect dust. I want read more, and speak more and sing more and just to generally do more. For the first time ever, I feel like I'm in College. Better late than never.

Despite all these things, I still have a slight procrastination issue. It's easier to blow off the procrastination now though since I'm spreading myself a little thinner than ever. The busier I get, the less time I have to randomly do unproductive things. I'm meeting people at least 5 times busier than I that complain about being lazy. I guess that makes me extremely lazy. I don't know. The important thing is, I'm experiencing things that I'd never experienced before and it's awesome.

In my general plan to constantly improve myself, I feel like I'm on the right path. None of it feels wrong. It doesn't feel like I'm making the wrong decisions. I have faith in my naive intuition and level-headedness. I'm actually dying to make a mistake I'll learn from (instead of mistakes that automatically fix themselves...as is often the case).

In short, I'm one productive activity short of amazing and I think, for the first time in my life (I know, it's a blogpost of firsts), I'm happy where I am thank you very much.

Good day!

Why Blog?

I was thinking of finishing my peppy-deppy birthday blog but I guess divulging on Professor Pellegrino can wait. Before anyone jumps to conclusions, the title of this post does not imply that I will be quitting this blog.

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In light of a friend's recent situation, I came to thinking about all this blogging--what the fuck one of the stalks of my plants just died. Fuuuudge. Anyway, I'm dedicating this post to her so if she doesn't read it, I will fly to Vegas and kick her in the face with her own skyskyskyskyskyskyskytop chucks. Or at least I think that's what they're called.

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From what I can remember, this blog started off as a semi-loneliness project. I had a couple of months left in New Zealand in Auckland before I would see my familia again and my gayass high school friends were too busy being adult or some queer shit like that. Whatever the reason, I was kinda bored and needed a way to get in touch with whoever was interested. If anything else, it was a good way to get in touch with my lovely siblings without having to think on the spot (we became strangers at that point, don't ask me how).

This blog was born with no intended shape and no intended form. A plot was not devised, a theme was not preconceived. Simply put, this blog is an immovable thought-notepad with the added benefit of random strangers possibly peering into it. Likened to my thoughts, the posts lack structure and are sometimes conjured with no particular purpose than for my own enjoyment. There are no rules to this blog and there are no expected readers. I do not have a target audience and I've set out writing humongous posts knowing that it will be read by one or two people at the most, if I'm lucky.

This blog serves multiple functions, depending on my mood and current state of mind.

I've written many nostalgia-related posts in which I reminisce at simplistic and amazing moments I've had. These are happy posts and I'm amazed I even had the initiative to write them. I'm the kind of person that will forget great moments in my life and these posts are kept as insurance- Emergency Happiness.

I've written crappy filler-posts of youtube videos. These don't really deserve a description. Don't get me wrong, I love youtube and will only recommend it if it's needle-in-a-haystack type stuff, but I'm trying to steer away from this as much as possible as I'm sure it's only contributing to the viral scheme of things.

I've written a couple of blogs complaining at length about my procrastination. These posts are counter-intuitive in that they are in themselves a form of procrastinating. I especially love the fact that I assume that it only happens to me. As I progress in This American Life©, I begin to realize that procrastination, that evil demon inside me, is inside everyone. There is no cure for procrastination virus, just AZT and therapy to help manage it, and it works to some degree.

I've written many update blogs. These aren't particular interesting I don't think, but only because I don't feel I'm living a particularly exceptional life. These posts actually do have a point in that they're telling everyone, me included, where I am in my life at a certain point in time. When I get all busy, it's really easy to just lose track of where I am. These posts are me doing just that.

A type of post I hope to never write, and have tried to avoid, are depression posts. I know very well that it can be somewhat therapeutic to divulge one's deepest, darkest secrets to an unknown amount of people but I personally feel that I have nothing to be depressed about. I feel down, no doubt, but it's not depression. It's the spoilt kid inside me trying to throw a tantrum.

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The above, not too interesting, but I have a point in here somewhere. The reason I blog...

is the same reason as you blog. The very fact that my parents may or may not read this blog only motivates me more not to care. The point of having a blog as opposed to a newspaper guest commentary article is the freedom. There are no rules girl, write what you want, when you want, without the fear of people you want reading it. I cannot speak for you or even begin to know what kind of situation your in, I've always had a problem with perfect empathy with girls (I think it's anatomy that's preventing my transition). I can, however, strongly advise you not to fret. Do not change a thing you are doing because what you are doing...it's amazing. It takes balls. Coming to the point I am now, where I feel like I can write what I want without worrying about offending anyone....coming to the point I am now, where I feel like I can confidently write endless posts without the fear that nobody will ever read it...coming to this point where I'm feeling like blogging is a habit and no longer a chore, trust me on this when I say that it took over a year for me...and your pretty much there.

I can summarize the above paragraph in a couple of sentences;

My blog, in it's present state, is honest, raw, and a little kooky. But mostly honest...and it gives the freedom to be as honest as I want to be, and not have to lie about who I am or hide any part of me that I would not otherwise feel uncomfortable showing.

Why do I blog?

Personally, because I can bitches.


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Sidenote: Despite everything I've just said, you can, if you want, switch your blog to private and just let people in who are invited to read it...but that would be no fun at all.

Clean advise without the flowery emotional speech: Don't change a thing. If in doubt, blog it off.

On being 19

I woke up and didn't realize it was my birthday until just before I left for school. Is that a metaphor for the insignificance of this day?

HECK NO.

First and foremost, these people have greeted me (in correct, chronological order :P). I'd like to thank facebook for reminding them (I can say that because I, too, would forget people's birthdays without that reminder).

- Asian Am yesterday! :)
- A couple of people in my Stats-Psych Class (one was from Asian Am, I wish I could remember her name because it was EXTREMELY nice of her. Edit: Her name was Angie.)
- Kuya Lloyd [mobile] who called me during Stats-Psych which is a bummer but I got the voicemail.
- Kuya Jeff Fernandez. [Facebook]
- Kuya Brian! [Facebook] and [AIM]
- Mr. Tony Dan [Facebook]
- JIAN! Although I don't think she added enough "Happy Birthday"s in her e-mail. Disappointing. [E-mail]
- Kuya Jep, offered to kiss me later. Oh Joy! [E-mail]
- Allaaaaaan from Philly [Myspace]
- Cassie [Facebook] also wrote a lovely, somewhat provocative, heavily capped status message.
- Hannah Banana from Bristol [Facebook]
- Elsa Bermudez from Anime Club[Facebook] gave me solid advice on the definition of "old".
- Pat Knight [AIM]
- Marielle [Blogspot] dedicated a post to me. I feel wicked special now.
- Liz Curtis [Facebook] told me to frolic. I'll see what I can do.
- Brent from CA [Facebook]
- Kristine from 2 minutes from my house [Facebook]
- Joanne Blanco, of LIC Fame [Facebook]
- Sasha from Bristol [Facebook]
- Juz [Facebook]
- Ina [Blogspot] made a ridiculous excuse below
- Macy [Myspace], [Bebo], [Youtube] and [Gtalk]. Better late than never. You even had a time-difference headstart. Shame on you Macy Sto. Domingo! SHAME ON YOU. :P
- FA [AIM]
- Jessica Gallion [Facebook]


10AM
Even though probably nothing can trump the mini-laptop my mama and papa have ordered for me, I'm pretty sure my Stats-Psych Professor's present comes close. (That looks creepy, I admit).

You'll have to understand that, even though Stats-Psych sounds easy enough, I've found it tedious and over-my-head at times. At one point, I thought it burdensome and that I was only doing it because I had to. These past couple weeks however, I've been sucking it up and actually giving a crap about the class (which is new for me considering I'm usually consistent in not-giving-a-crap for certain subjects).

"So Jayo", asked my Prof as I was about to leave, "do you like all this stuff".
"What...the whole course...in general...or.." I stammered, as I usually do with figures of authority.
"All of it, the whole course and the content. Do you like it?"
"Ah yeah, it took me a while to get into it but I've been putting more effort into it recently so-"
"Yes, I can see that. Your projects lately, you're sounding like someone who'd be good at this stuff...it sounds like you're taking an interest"
"Hah yeah, I guess it all depends on my procrastination"
"Hah, that's something we all have to deal with everyday"

My point is, I rarely get the chance to...reap what I sow. My problem is, that since there's no reaping, I see no point in sowing. It sounds crazy but there's countless moments when I feel so very inferior (which is weird because I find that in general, I'm a pretty superior guy. HAH). It's moments like these; finding out I'm not doing too bad in something I think I'm doing terribly in, finding out that every minute spent staring at somewhat illegible letters in a three-ton textbook is actually worth something, finding out that sacrifice actually is a means to reward, finding out that my excuses....my many, many excuses don't quite work anymore, finding everything out in one big, gigantic epiphany...It's moments like these that I think to myself...

Wow, there's just absolutely no point in ever being miserable is there?


CNN's birthday present to me:

Macy's Birthday Present:




10PM
The rest of the day was pleasant. Iced Pomegranate Tea and a Hummus-Tabouli wrap while listening to Mogwai. God gave me sun today, thanks G!

Development of Western Civilization was awesome in that my Professor didn't want to do anything. Like for real. So we talked about politics. Professor Pellegrino is a Republican. I don't hold that against him. He had ..df.as.df.dsf.f.d TBC CATCHING BUS!

My blogs are far more interesting when I'm depressed or have nothing to do: Take Two

When I get to the point where I'm procrastinating blogposts, then there's something seriously wrong.

There's nothing too wrong though, just need to iron out the kinks in this multifaceted life of mine.

Thursday!
Was a great day. I managed to write an introduction for my 1500 word essay that was due the next day. I would have probably finished it that evening if not for Vice Presidential debate. I agree with most when they say that Sarah Palin did surprisingly well. Unfortunately, I also agree with Jon Stewart when he said that Sarah Palin doing surprisingly well is like Andy Dick only drinking half a bottle of Laundry Detergent. I got home at 11:30 after work to find that my laptop's charger was broken. I was too tired anyway so I just went to sleep.

Friday!
Was a great day. I attended Child Psych just so I could hand in my anally retentive paper. I skipped Modern Drama however, which I found out was an okay thing to do since nothing even happened. In the space of the three hours I had remaining to hand in that 1500 word Development of Western Civilization paper about Gulliver's Travels, I managed to write and edit a 1499 essay. I'm pretty sure it was an amazing essay too.

Saturday!
Was a great day. Woke up terribly early to go Filipino food shopping with mama causing her to spend twice as much as she normally would. Got home, cleaned my room, went to school to watch anime, readings etc.

Sunday!
Was a great day. Full of eating and frivolity. Not a lot else.

Monday!
Is a great day. Fell asleep and dribbled a bit in Stats-Psych but it doesn't really matter because everyone else was asleep anyway. Pop quiz in Child-Psych which I'm pretty sure I did very averagely in. Modern Drama was a nightmare...in a way. Dr. Kroll wasn't having a good day and didn't know what was going on (bless her, she's like 80). We wasted a good half hour because she didn't know what book we were reading. I lent her my copy and she still kept going to the wrong book. Mid-class people started getting fed up (or lazy) and just agreed with everything she said. At the end of class as I was retrieving my copy of Brecht's Baal, I had a neat talk with her. She remember by name at least (or some variation..."Ho-yo" or "Joho" is as good as it gets I guess). "You wanna know a secret Hoyo? You know how when you open a can of Spaghetti" she said, "and you know how you drain it through a siv?" to which I smiled and nodded even though I didn't have a clue what was going on. "That's how I'm feeling right now", she said through the biggest, goofiest grin I've ever seen.

Let's hope I get some study in today.

Back to Form

The way I'm working right now...I don't think it's healthy.

Heavy spurts of procrastination one day and then heavy spurts of study the next...I don't think it's healthy.

Feeling like talking to everyone one day and then feeling like talking to no one the next...I don't think it's healthy.

Going vegetarian one day and then roast beef sandwiches the next...I don't think it's healthy.

Sleeping 8, wonderful hours one day and then sleeping 3 or 4 the next...I don't think it's healthy.

Being in a state of ecstasy one day and feeling not so good the next...I don't think it's healthy.




But it's not exactly unhealthy is it?